


retrieve and retire

by orphan_account



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: M/M, Russia, Sugar Bowl - Freeform, Volunteer Fire Department, vfd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AU where the Baudelaires after returning to town from the island and reuniting with VFD are forced to travel to Russia for a mission.
Relationships: Klaus Baudelaire/Duncan Quagmire
Comments: 14
Kudos: 13





	1. Pasta Puttanesca Like The (not very) Good Times

It was five years since they came back from the island. Beatrice was six, Sunny was nine, Klaus was nineteen and Violet was twenty one. 

After coming back to the city they cleared their names. They met Lemony Sniket again and joined the VFD. It was only fair to all of the Volunteers who died trying to save them. They lived in the new VFD headquarters that they also helped to design. They waited a couple of years for Violet to turn eighteen to claim their fortune. Afterwards they moved back to the city into a nice house with a nice library and a room for everyone. 

\- Hey Klaus, - Violet said walking into his study. Klaus was a researcher and he did a lot of work for the VFD. 

\- Yeah? - He said looking up from his desk. Violet was gripping onto the door frame. 

\- Did you get the message? - She asked quietly. 

\- What message? - Klaus said in a tone a little louder than a whisper. 

\- From VFD. They um... - Violet wasn’t sure how to put her words. 

\- They what? - Klaus asked frowning at Violet. He was a bit tense because if it was a VFD mission it can’t be simple to complete. 

\- They want us to go to Russia, and I don’t know if we should leave Sunny and Bea behind or take them, or even do the mission! - The girl said in one breath.

\- Hey hey hey hey. Calm down, why do they want us to go there? - Klaus said in a soothing voice. Violet relaxed a bit. 

\- Research. They want to know if Russia is safe for placing there a VFD safehouse, - She explained looking at her brother who was absorbing what she just said. 

\- The mission sounds simple, - He said after a couple of minutes of silence, - I think we can take Bea and Sunny with us. Where will it be situated?

\- In a little town called Penza. It’s a small town and no one would want to come there by their own will except if you’re a VFD agent, - Klaus smiled at that last part, - They have a train station there, we will be sailing to the city St. Petersburg and then on a train from there. No one’s going to be looking for us in Penza and if a Volunteer wants to hide or do research on the country, they will be safe to go there. - She continued to tell Klaus the information form the letter, - It also took me a while to crack the code in the letter. It was pretty complicated due to the amount of information. 

\- Okay... I think we can go, - Klaus said smiling at Violet, - Did the letter say where we should stay? - He asked. 

\- Oh yes, we will be there with some other volunteers. The letter didn’t give me any names but they said we will know when we see them, - Violet explained, - They also left eight tickets to the boat and to the train for every one of us, they are expecting the girls to come, - She said showing Klaus the tickets. 

\- We need to leave in a week! - Klaus exclaimed then covered up his mouth. You never know who’s listening. 

\- Yeah.. That’s why i’m worried, do you have any unfinished business that you can’t finish in a week? Because we are going to be there for quite some time, - Violet said looking at Klaus. He thought for a bit, looked at his desk and said:

\- I think whatever business I have can wait, - He smiled at Violet. 

\- That’s great! I’m gonna go tell the girls! - She exclaimed rushing over to Sunnys and Beas room. She knocked on the door before hearing a muffled “Come in!” and she bursted into the room, - Guess what little ones, we’re going to Russia! - Well that was a piece of information the girls didn’t expect to hear. They looked at Violet, shocked while she smiled at them, - And we’re leaving in a week, so if you have any unfinishedbusiness do it ASAP, - she said and ran out of their room leaving Sunny and Beatrice ll standing there, puzzled. 

\- I’m asking Klaus, - the younger girl said standing up and running over to Klaus’ room, - Klaus! - Bea exclaimed drawing out the ‘a’ in his name. 

\- Yes? - Klaus said looking down at her. He was about to sit down at his desk with some documents in his hands. 

\- Why are we going to Russia? For how long? Is someone coming with us? Is it going to be dangerous? Where exactly are we going? - She poured all of those questions in one breath. It reminded Klaus of Violet. He chuckled. 

\- We are going on a mission, - The Baudelaire boy began to answer her questions, - It shouldn’t be  that  long, a couple of weeks? Maybe. No one is coming there with us, though there will be volunteers there. No, it’s not going to be dangerous, it’s quite a simple mission. And we are going to a small town called Penza. Happy now? - He asked Beatrice ll if she was satisfied with the answers. The little girl just nodded running out of his study closing the door behind her. Klaus sighed and smiled. She was just like Violet. 

—————

A day before they left to Russia. They all were worrying about different things. 

Klaus was worrying about the volunteers, are they going to recognize them? Will someone from the fire starting side will pretend to be them? 

Violet on the other hand was worried about the ride itself. Are they going to be on time? Are they going to get on the right boat? The right train? What if someone follows them? Or recognizes them? 

Sunny was worried about the place they were staying. Is it going to have a normal oven? Are they going to be able to buy normal food? 

And Beatrice was worried if she will like it there. The weather? The people? The language? The Russian language is  not  easy to learn. Will she be able to understand anything? 

All of these thoughts were rushing through their heads as they packed running around their rooms making sure they didn’t forget anything. 

After they were done Sunny started to make dinner with Bea helping her. Tomorrow was a big day. After  that  was also done Violet and Klaus heard a “Dinner’s ready!” echoing through their house. The came downstairs and sat at their dining table while Beatrice and Sunny went out with their food. The older Baudelaires tried to help them with serving, but the girls said it’s a special dinner, so it’s going to be pretty and presentable. 

\- And dinner is served! - Sunny yelled from the kitchen walking out with a plate covered by a bowl. Beatrice doing the same. They placed four plates covered with bowls one for each member of the family, - And you can lift up the bowls! - The girl exclaimed. Everyone including her lifted up their bowls, - Pasta Puttanesca, just like the good old times! - She said smiling at her siblings. 

\- That’s great Sunny? Did you tell Bea the story of this dish? - Klaus said smiling pouring some sauce on his pasta. 

\- No, I wanted you and Violet to tell it! - The youngest Baudelaire exclaimed. 

\- Ofay! - Klaus said with his mouth full. Violet looked at him and chuckled. 

\- Klaus! Swallow your food fist! - She pretended to be mad at him while laughing, - If you’re too busy eating I can tell the story, - Her brother nodded, - So, when our home burnt down, the most oblivious banker we’ve ever met, Mr. Poe, lead us into the clutches of Count Olaf who made us do a lot of chores around his terrible home! - Violet said being too dramatic over some pasta, - And one night he forced us to make him and his whole acting troupe a dinner, and we never learned how to cook! And Sunny was too young to do it! So our amazing neighbor Justice Strauss helped us out by giving us a cookbook and we made them some Pasta Puttanesca! It turned out to be great, but Count Olaf got angry and demanded Roast Beef. So that’s the epic story of Pasta Puttanesca! - Violets overdramatic story was followed by some laughs.

\- I can’t believe we didn’t tell you that story before! - Klaus exclaimed wiping his mouth with a napkin and chuckling. 

\- Well, now you’ve heard the story Bea, you can eat your pasta, - Sunny smiled again her little sister. They all dug in their food and the rest of the evening was spent in chuckles and telling different stories from the Baudelaires adventures. Then they all went to bed. Tomorrow was a big day. And all of them where still worried. 


	2. Anastasia Prokofievna or maybe not

It sure was a long day. After waking up early in the morning catching a cab they had to settle onto the ship to St. Petersburg. It will be nineteen whole days before they arrive. Nineteen days! Well, that’s what you get traveling from America to Russia. They where also looking out for fire staring agents. They didn’t want to be followed. 

\- Klaus, remind me where do we go? - Klaus said as the oldest Baudelaires where speed-walking to one of the ships, holding Sunnys and Beatrices hands   
\- That way! - The boy answered as he turned and walked ahead Violet. Everyone sped with Klaus. 

As soon as they got onto the ship, someone checked their tickets and gave them the keys to their rooms. They thanked the receptionist and walked off.   
The rooms weren’t really big. There was one for Sunny and Violet and one for Beatrice and Klaus. Each room had two beds, a bathroom and a little window. They all settled in their rooms when Klaus looked at a leaflet with information about food and probably things they could do. It was more than two weeks of staying there, so there had to be some activities. Luckily, they were.  
\- Birdwatching , the boy started to read out loud, - I highly suspect there will be any birds except some seagulls, and i’m terrified of those things, - Bea giggled a bit at that, - water skiing, that sounds interesting! Bea, what do you think? - Klaus asked the little girl who flopped on the bed next to him.   
\- Sounds fun! We should definitely do it! - she exclaimed thronging her hands into the air.   
\- Deal then, - Klaus smiled continuing to read the leaflet. 

————-

It had been 20 days since they got onto the boat, they were informed that the other Volunteers were already at the city, they apparently have been for a week already. Did they get there on a plane, or something...?   
The city St. Petersburg was beautiful, even though the weather wasn’t the best. But that’s only how the author remembers it, considering she was there only once and like four years ago or something. But unfortunately the Baudelaires didn’t have time to walk around St. Petersburg, they had to rush over to the train station, after getting off the boat they coached a cab. They tried to communicate with the driver in English but he was very bad at it. They also had some rubles that VFD put in the letter, so money wasn’t a problem. 

\- Куда едем? - he said. The Baudelaires had a confused look.   
\- The train station..? - Klaus said, not sure if that was the question   
\- А, пендосы, - the driver said with an annoyed look, - Ver ar yu go-ing - he had the worst russian accent and he didn’t seem to understand what he was really saying. Luckily, Klaus understood.   
\- Th-the train station? - Hs carefully looked at the guys face, the driver just raised an eyebrow, - Choo choo! - Klaus made a train noise, the guy seemed to understand, he laughed and nodded and started to drive. 

At the end on the drive there were more Russian words that the Baudelaires did not understand 

\- Yu nid to giv mi триста rubli - he said looking at Klaus. Klaus pulled out a one hundred bill, the driver pointed to it and said   
\- Three of thiz, - Klaus seemed to understand, he gave the driver the money and thanked him. The man just nodded. 

They all got out of the car with their luggage in their hands. 

\- More Russian words we won’t understand, - Klaus said looking at the huge railway station, - people say that the metro and the train stations are beautiful here, - Violet just smiled at it.   
\- Let’s go and check, - the girls said as the Baudelaires went off to the station. 

It was about 1 AM and they were pretty tired, they had all night to travel by train. They settled in a little compartment with four beds for each one of them. They put their luggage and changed to night clothes. Tomorrow they will be in Penza. They would be safe and they will meet new Volunteers. They were worried if they were followed or the Volunteer that is supposed to meet them will actually meet them. They had plenty things to worry about, but they just went to sleep. 

In the morning they all got woken up by Violet. They have to get ready and step off the train. Violet rushed everyone into their day clothes, and Klaus through that she looked too stressed.   
\- Is something wrong? - He asked her. She was pacing around the compartment putting things into the suitcase and chewing on a poppy seed bun that she had ordered earlier. After a moment she swallowed what she was chewing and said.   
\- There has been news on the Quagmires, - Klaus froze. The Quagmires? News? He... He thought they were dead... He never said it out loud but come on, how could they survive? It had been too long... - Just take your time, - Violet said snatching Klaus’ clothes from his hands and putting into the suitcase. Sunny, of course, also heard the news. She didn’t have much memory or the Quagmires, she just knew that her siblings really loved them.   
\- The Quagmires? - She asked, - The triplets, right? - Violet nodded to her questions, - what kind of news? - She asked, Klaus didn’t have the words to ask that, he just stared into oblivion.   
\- They’re alive and on the ground, - Violet finally said.   
\- How did you get the news? - Bea spoke up   
\- I got a letter this morning by code from VFD, - she started reading it, - “Triplets, those are very rare, and not quite in. Take the marvelous sky. Birds, they... They are not on the land.” At first, I got very confused what it meant. Then I realized that it’s a code and started to decode it by Every Other Word code, and I got “Triplets are rare, not in the sky, they are on land” It couldn’t be the Denouement triplets, they were never in the sky to begin with. It’s the Quagmires. They’re on land! - Violet said happily. Klaus, in fact wasn’t very happy. He had the biggest crush on Duncan, and when they left on the hot airmobile home he was broken.   
\- They are on land when WE are sent to another country?! We could’ve seen them again! Ask their location! Why VFD has to be like this!? - The boys tarted to throw his hands into the air and yell.   
\- Klaus, - Violet began, - please calm down, it’s going to be only a couple of weeks, and then we will come back and see them, - She assured her brother, - isn’t the most important thing, that they’re safe?, - Klaus looked at his sister. He was upset that they can’t see them, but happy that they’re alive.   
\- I suppose so, - He shrugged then the train stopped and they heard the conductor say that it’s the last stop. The twon Penza. 

They walked off the train and waited at the exit for the Volunteers to show up. 

A young woman, perhaps twenty years old, approached the Baudelaires. She was wearing a pair of sun glasses and a headscarf. Some people in Russia like to call that a style of a “babushka” which means grandma in Russian.   
“I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” The lady said pulling her glasses off looking at the Baudelaires. She had a heavy Russian accent as she spoke.   
“The world is quiet here.” Violet and Klaus answered in an unison. The lady smiled. And turned to Sunny. 

\- Dear Sunshine, - the woman looked at the nine-year-old, she crouched a bit to be on a same level with the girl, as the little girls big eyes looked at the lady, - I have a question for you, - Sunny, - how do you manage to keep your little teeth so sharp? Do they get dull from all of the biting? How do you sharpen them, you little yagodka, - the woman said patting Sunny on her head, Sunny smiled at the nickname, she didn’t quite know what it meant but she thought it sounded nice.   
\- What does ya.. yago... I’m sorry, but what does that mean? - Klaus asked looking at the woman. She stood up, to get on the same level with Klaus, the lady was a bit taller than him because of her heels.   
\- Yagodka is what i like to call cute little girls like Sunny! It means berry in Russian. And little girls like Beatrice... - She looked at the six-year-old, - I call cute little girls like Beatrice lastochka! It means a little swallow, - the woman said with her heavy Russian accent.   
\- As I can see you already know our names, - Violet said as the woman once again came back to their level, - but we didn’t quite catch yours, - the lady stuck out her hand for Violet to shake.   
\- Anastasia Prokofievna, - she said smirking at Violet, she moved on to shake Klaus’ hand, - it’s nice to finally meet you Baudelaires, come with me! And Sunny, you’ll answer all my questions about your amazing teeth later, - the woman said and started walking as the Baudelaires followed her to a car. 

When they sat in the car. Anastasia broke into laughter.   
\- You believed me, Baudelaires! That’s great! - She said smiling. She had a normal american accent and the Baudelaires exchanged a nervous glance, - My name isn’t Anastasia Prokofievna and i’m certainly not Russian! My name is Rosy Phillips, but you can call me Ro, and i’m a polyglot volunteer! I speak all sorts of languages! - She explained, - We are going to be working here with some of my associates. Three of them, to be exact. We will be working on the “Most important mission in VFD history”, - she lifted her hands form the wheel to show quotations, - finding the sugar bowl. It might me in the area, - she looked back at the Baudelaires who were sitting in the backseat.   
\- What?! - they all exclaimed.   
\- The Su-sugar bowl? We were told we are going to make sure if this is a safe place to locate a safehouse! - Klaus exclaimed. Rosy frowned.   
\- Baudelaires, i’m afraid your letter has been sabotaged, I wrote it myself in code and the fire staring side must have cracked it to get all of you here. You have been followed, - She said. After a moment of slice she spoke up again, - and we are being followed right now, - Rosy started to speed making reckless turns and going crazy on the road. The situation reminded the Baudelaires of Kit and her reckless driving. Ro made another turn before stopping, - It looks like we’re here, - She said, - and also, if anyone asks for me, my name is Anastasia Prokofievna, not Rosy Philips, you do not say my real name in case anyone’s around! And we’ll come up with your fake names later. Let’s go meet my associates, - Ro stepped out of the car, the Baudelaires following her. 

They walked into an old apartment building, they took the elevator, it was small and it smelled weird. Sunny made a disgusted face, Ro smiled at her, - Get used to the smell, - She said, - it’s always like this. When the elevator stopped they went up to a door with the number 264 on it.   
\- 264? This is like... The fifth floor? - Klaus said, Ro shrugged.   
\- Oh the first apartment in this building isn’t called the first, it’s the 200, that’s the way the apartments are working on this block, - She said pulling out her keys and unlocking the door. She walked in and took off her shoes, - Take off your shoes, - She said looking at the Baudelaires, - Wear these! - She exclaimed giving them some sort of slippers, - Tapochki! - she said excitedly. The Baudelaires smiled and took the slippers, - Three Amigos come see this! - She yelled as three familiar faces walked out of a room that seemed to a the living room. Everyone froze except Beatrice and Ro. Rosy smirked.   
\- Take your time, Baudelaires, - she started to walk to the room her associates walked out of, - And Quagmires, - She said before disappearing into the room. 

Everyone just stood there for a moment. In silence. Beatrice also froze after Ro said “Quagmires”. Then Isadora decided to light this situation with a joke. She didn’t say “Violet” or “Klaus” she turned to Beatrice and said  
\- Which one of you had another kid? - Everyone bursted into laughter and hurried into a hug. They all shared a group hug.   
\- I can’t believe it! - Violet exclaimed, - How in the earth!? We thought you came back down only today! - She looked the Quagmires over and over, not believing her eyes, - You were here for a week?  
\- Yeah, we were here for a week, we even have cool Russian names! - Isadora exclaimed. All of them were 20 but they still acted 13, - for now, I want you to call me Larisa Popva and Quiggles is Ruslan Popov! And Duncan is just.... Duncan, - She smiled at the Baudelaires. That’s when everyone noticed Duncan and that he had a can with him.   
\- Wh-what happened to your l-leg? - Klaus asked, he stuttered more than he expected.   
\- Let’s just say our landing wasn’t the best, - Duncan smiled at him. It took one smile. One fucking smile to bring Klaus him feelings back. Something in the pit of his stomach fluttered when the other boy smiled at him. He did not honk it was good, - The doctors said it will heal in a months or a couple of weeks and i’ll be able to walk normally again, - He assured the Baudelaires. Klaus just nodded. 

Quigley didn’t say anything, he just walked back to the room Ro was in and closed the door behind. Everyone looked confused until they heard him speak. The walls were really thin so they could hear almost everything.   
“You knew!” they heard him say   
“Yes, I did it on purpose.” Rosy said.   
“Thank you” They heard Quigley say. After some times of silence the eldest Quagmire walked out of the room. He smiled at everyone.   
\- I’m so happy you’re here, - He said looking at the Baudelaires   
\- And we’re so happy you’re here, - Violet said smiling at him.


	3. Switching places and switching plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ NOTES AT THE END AFTER READING THE CHAPTER

\- Baudelaires, - Ro began, she was nervous about their letter and the fact that it was sabotaged to get them all together, - we obviously have a problem.  
\- What problem? - Duncan asked. All of them were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea.  
\- The Baudelaire letter that I sent them was sabotaged. It was coded, but the fire starting side must’ve decoded it, those bastards. In the letter, i said to take the children with big caution because this mission is quite dangerous and knowing how protective you are over your two precious girls, I didn’t think you would take them. But in the fake letter it said that this mission was very simple, they obviously wanted to get all of the Baudelaires in one place, but they didn’t sabotage the Quagmires, that means they needed only you, - As Rosy said that, she sent shivers down Violet and Klaus’ spines. They were worried about one thing right now. About this, - Who can it be? - She then asked, - It must be someone smart if they could crack the code.  
\- Do you have a list of members or possible members of the fire starting side? - Klaus asked looking at Ro, - The ones that are alive, of course, - he added. Ro thought for a second before standing up and heading to another room. She gestured everyone to follower her.  
\- This is my study, - she said while they were entering the room, - I keep quite important records in here, including the fire starting side of VFD, - Rosy explained while opening a glass door of a big rack of books. Klaus smiled at the sight, - Aha! - She exclaimed after finding a really thin folder. Everyone looked at her puzzled.  
\- Why is it so small? - Isadora asked pointing at the folder.  
\- Oh, Darling, - The Baudelaires got confused at the nickname, - this is because most of the people on the fire starting side are very not well read people, and they are very dull and not very interesting, some of them are an exception of course, but it’s a case of a couple people, because most of the exceptions are dead, - She said grimacing. Isadora smiled at the dorky woman.  
\- Can we see it? - Klaus asked pointing to the file. Ro shook her head.  
\- I’m afraid only i’m allowed to do that, sorry, I know the story with the library of records and how you were annoyed because you couldn’t look at them, but this is how it is, only i’m allowed to hold these, but I can read it out loud if you want, that isn’t against the rules, - Klaus nodded at her words.  
\- Okay then, read it, - Violet answered and smiled at Ro.  
\- Hm... - Ro scanned the list, - Ernest Denouement, Carmelita Spats and Esme Squalor, - everyone looked confused at her.  
\- That’s it? - Quigley asked.  
\- It’s all we know, - the woman shrugged, - Three of them definitely do not work together, maybe the Squalor and Spats are together after the sugar bowl, and Ernest? What’s about him? Gonna check later anyway, - She said and looked back at the rack for a second, - Maybe it was Carmelita and Esme? Plus we don’t know about The Woman with no Beard but Hair and The Man with no Hair but a Beard, maybe they’re still alive? - Ro looked at the Quagmjres and Baudelaires.  
\- Maybe it was Esme and Carmelita - Isadora said, - Maybe Esme is still after it. But didn’t it burn in the hotel fire? - the Quagmire girl asked, looking at the Baudelaires  
\- We don’t know, - Klaus said, - Dewey died with the secret of where it was, but i’m suspecting his library, but didn’t it also burn? - He looked at Ro. She shook her head.  
\- You can’t destroy the sugar bowl that easily. Someone must’ve explored the tunnels and found it in the burnt library. VFD made it fireproof, those stubborn... - She was about to finish but then remembered that she worked for those “Stubborn ...” and decided not to say it, - But the question is, who would it be and why would he, or she, bring it to Russia, to this place filled with crazy people, - She said it and then laughed, - I just answered my own question.  
\- But who’s that “Someone”? - Duncan asked the question which everyone wanted to ask.  
\- I do not know, but now someone form the fire staring side know and is after it, - Ro looked at the youngest Quagmire  
\- It couldn’t be Carmelita or Esme! They wouldn’t be able to crack the code! - Violet said. She was sure the girl... Women were both not very smart for code-cracking.  
\- I absolutely agree with you Violet, I read a lot about those women and they aren’t quite smart, though they are revengy, - She waved her hands playfully while saying the word “revengy”.  
\- Maybe they hired someone to crack it? Esme is quite wealthy, - Duncan said. Ro just shrugged.  
\- It doesn’t matter how they cracked it, the problem is that they did and they want you Baudelaires. Someone is after us and we have to relocate immediately.  
\- But Ro, isn’t this your actual home? Do you want to leave it? - Isadora asked the woman who was putting away the little file, - It has all the files and...  
\- Don’t worry darling, we’re not leaving this place forever, I will still be living here after the mission is complete, but for now we’re going to my friends’ place, - She said stroking Isadoras check. The Quagmire smiled at her and nodded, - Come on everybody, we have packing to do. 

Violet informed her little sisters that they’re leaving and told them to help everyone pack. Rosy commanded the Quagmires to take some things from the library and the Baudelaires were helping her with sorting documents to take. After all of them were done and dressed they headed out. Ro was in the drivers seat with Isadora in the passenger one, everyone else was squished in the back. Beatrice was sitting on Klaus’ lap while Sunny was sitting on Violets. Duncan and Quigley were trying to fit together but they ended up with Duncan just placing one leg on Quigley. The older Quagmire did not enjoy that but he didn’t quite have a choice. They all had a little rough drive considering the condition of the roads in Penza but as soon as they arrived all of them bursted out of the car. 

They were standing in front of a very ugly looking building, it was short and the bricks were an unpleasant yellowish color, it had about four floors and it looked damp. Rosy sighed. She walked up to the door with everyone following her, she pressed two rusty buttons on some kind machine that opened the door. They walked in. Another door. Rosy then proceeded to press to other buttons, they heard a beep.  
“Who is this?” they heard a voice. Rosy sighed again. “We need hiding” she answered, “Jesus christ, when you don’t need hiding, Ro” They heard the voice again say, it seemed like it was a man and his voice didn’t have a Russian accent. It sounded like it was familiar, but they weren’t sure. After a moment the man said “How many there is of you?” Ro closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. Again. It seemed like she wasn’t so happy with the experience. “Eight” she said quietly. “Jesus christ Ro!” The man exclaimed, “Please! It’s just this time!” Ro started to defend but he cut her off “Okay... come in” the man said and there was a loud beep and Rosy pulled the door to open it. They all entered a little elevator and it smelled disgusting. 

\- I’m sorry, everyone, I know you won’t probably want to stay with the man but... But we have to, - It was unusual seeing Rosys soft side, she usually looked intimidating but now, she was... Nervous...?  
\- It’s okay, I’m sure he’s not that bad, - Violet answered shrugging. Ro just had a very sorry face. She was in fact nervous. 

When the elevator came to the highest floor (which was like the 4th why do you need an elevator?) They all stepped out. Ro turned left to a door she opened with no hesitation, and you know what was behind it? More doors! There were two more doors leading to different directions. and on the wall and above one of the doors there were shelves. Shelves with books! Klaus looked at it confused, why would books be randomly here? Ro noticed that he stopped and looked at the shelves scanning the books. Russian literature. “He keeps these here because his apartment is already full.” Rosy explained Klaus smiled. A lot of books. That’s nice. Duncan also smiled, he was happy for Klaus. Even though later on these two didn’t get a good stay at the place.  
Rosy rang the doorbell that looked like it’s about to fall off. Everything seemed so old and used. Everyone heard footsteps from the other side of the door. Then it opened a man, or a woman was standing in the doorway.  
\- Hi Rosy, - the man, or the woman said, - He doesn’t want to speak to you, he’s still mad, - the man or the woman said. He or she had a plain voice and everyone suspected he’s a man. Rosy sighed again and closed her eyes.  
\- Hi Grizz, - She said. The person of indeterminate gender then proceeded to look at the rest of the patch. All of them were standing there in terror. It was one of Olaf’s henchmen. But Olaf’s dead. And what is he doing here? And who was Rosy talking on that machine? All of them were confused and a little scared. Grizz pointed at the Baudelaires and at the Quagmires and said:  
\- I remember all of you, - He then proceeded to point at Beatrice and said, - Which one of you had a child? - Isadora smiled.  
\- That’s exactly what I said! - She exclaimed, the person of indeterminate gender looked at her and made a tiny smile. It looked like he was paralyzed but everyone looked at Isadora like “what the hell?” she just grimaced at them.  
\- Beatrice isn’t our child, she’s our sister, - Klaus explained, of course Beatrice wasn’t blood related, but she was a Baudelaire to them. Grizz just nodded. Ro looked nervous again and gulped.  
\- Can we come in? - She said, weakly pointing at the apartment behind Grizz. He nodded again and gestured for everyone to come in.  
The apartment looked very old. It had linoleum floors and wallpapers which were scraped and looked like they were also about to fall off. The place was lit with a very annoying flickering chandelier-like thingy. It was kind of ugly. There was a corridor with just doors that seemed to be rooms, it got darker to the end of it. But most importantly there were tons of book shelves. They were everywhere, the apartment was too small to have a library, so books were in every corner. Klaus smiled at the sight.  
\- Ro, there’s eight of you, we don’t have space for eight of you, - Grizz half-whispered to her, - You have to send someone back, - he explained.  
\- Yeah... - Ro said looking at everyone. Everyone looked at her, - Later, - she simply said, - Harold? - Ro called out, - Baldy? Bald man? Please talk to me! I’m sorry! - Rosy looked back at Grizz for help. He shrugged.  
\- He’s in his room, but keep in mind that he’s really, really mad, - The guy explained.  
\- He wouldn’t let us in if he were that mad, - Rosy said.  
\- That’s true, - Grizz said and shrugged. Ro took off to the end of the tight corridor. The person of indeterminate- I mean, Grizz turned around to the rest of the people. He looked at them, they were petrified. I’m sorry, BALD MAN?! The one who’s had like four teeth and was a terrible person all together? That Bald Man?  
\- You must be confused, - He said at all of them, - Maybe you want tea? - The Quagmires and Baudelaires had a look like “what the hell?”... Again... Grizz just shrugged, - So tea? Anyone?  
\- It would be nice, - Violet finally spoke up. As they walked into the kitchen everyone was silent. Grizz started to boil the kettle.  
\- Does anyone drink tea with sugar? - He asked, only Quigley nodded.  
\- I do, - The eldest Quiagmire said, - And Beatrice and Sunny also do, - Grizz just nodded pouring the boiled water into the teapot with the tea brew. He then waited for all of the people to be distracted by whispering something. He then pulled out not one sugar bowl, but two. One was just a plain white one but the other was blue with a white spot on it, the white spot had little pink flowers painted on. Grizz put the sugar from the blue sugar bowl to all the cups and then he put it away, he then added three sugar cubes to three cups form the normal sugar bowl and put it also away. As everyone sat at the table he put the cups on it. He separated the three sugars from the rest and gave them to Quigley Beatrice and Sunny. They all started to drink their tea. Isadora made a very weird face.  
\- It’s really bitter, - She said, Grizz nodded.  
\- Yeah Russians like bitter tea.. Sugar? - Isadora just nodded to his offer, he pulled out the normal sugar bowl and put a little sugar cube into Isadoras cup, - Anyone else? - He asked.  
\- Me please, - Duncan said, and Grizz put a sugar cube into his cup. Duncan thanked him and Grizz responded with a nod.  
\- I’m used to drinking bitter tea, - Klaus said, - Our mom used to love it.  
\- I know, - Grizz said staring at him.  
\- Did you know our mother? - Sunny asked.  
\- No.  
\- Then how do you... - Grizz didn’t let Sunny respond by walking out of the room.  
\- Well that was weird, - Quigley said.  
\- Very weird, - Violet said, - Do you think he poisoned our tea?  
\- No, he seems harmless, but the bald guy, what’s his name? Harold? Harold, he’s not harmless, - Klaus said.  
\- Hey guys, - Beatrice suddenly spoke up, - He had two sugar bowls, - She said looking at the cupboard where he got them.  
\- What? - Violet asked, - Two sugar bowls? Do you know where he put them? - Beatrice just pointed to one of the cupboards.  
\- Do you think we can look in? - Isadora asked. Violet shrugged, before she could answer anything, Isadora stood up and walked to the cupboard she opened it and before she could look in they heard voices from the corridor. The Quagmire girl quickly closed the cupboard and sat back at the table before Grizz entered the room with a disappointed look, - Two of your have to go, - he explained, - Did you finish your tea? - He asked curiously.  
\- Um, not yet.. Why is that important? - Quigley asked crossing his arms. Grizz looked at him for a second.  
\- I need to clean up the cups, - He said. He didn’t give a proper answer to the question and the Baudelaires and Quagmires got very suspicious. Suddenly, Rosy entered the room with a sad smile.  
\- Uh, two of you need to go back, you can decide while I drive you and then come back here, - She explained.  
\- I could go, - Duncan suggested.  
\- Me too, - Klaus quickly said. Duncan grinned at him.  
\- Okay then boys, let’s go, - She said looking at the rest of the patch while Grizz gestured for the boys to the small hallway with their coats and shoes. While Grizz was gone Rosy spoke up again this time, she was whispering, - Everything’s going to be fine, just be careful, Harold doesn’t want to come out but in case he does, he won’t harm you and Grizz is obviously harmless, I’ll be back soon, - She said and gave her associates a sympathetic smile, everyone just nodded while she walked out after the boys. 

Rosy, Klaus and Duncan walked i to the same smelly elevator. After they strode outside and realized there was a heavy rain, Rosy sighed as they sped to the car. They still got soaked though. Klaus was kinda disappointed he didn’t get to get a look at the books but on the other hand, he got more time to spend with Duncan, who was by the way looking very good with his hair wet, but the other boy just didn’t let himself continue thinking that thought. Him and the other boy sat in the back seat as they were driving in uncomfortable silence.  
\- Ro, can I ask you a question? - Klaus asked. The woman just nodded, - Harold... Um.. Who is he to you? - Ro shifted in her seat as the boys looked at her, curiously.  
\- Harold... - She said before taking a deep breath, - Harold is my brother, - she said while exhaling. Duncan and Klaus exchanged a look. This gave Klaus dejavu witch Fiona, another VFD memeber and her brother on the striating side... Familiar much.  
\- If it’s okay, may I ask why he’s mad? - Klaus looked at her into the mirror. Rosy sighed again.  
\- He was mad because I joined VFD even thought he specifically told me not to, and when he found out he was... How to say it... Furious, he didn’t talk to me without being passive aggressive, and we had a big fight over that and he didn’t talk to me. At all... - She said patting the wheel with her fingers and taking deep breaths.  
\- Oh okay, - Klaus said.  
\- I need to leave you two alone in my apartment, so please, don’t ruin it, - Klaus chuckled at her words. She just smiled at them. But before they could enjoy their (this time) comfortable silence Ro suddenly stopped.  
\- Why did we stop? - Duncan asked.  
\- We can’t continue to drive, - She said looking at the road like she saw a ghost, - Not safe, - Rosy quietly whispered, - Boys, you need to walk from here.  
\- We know the way? - Klaus asked.  
\- Duncan knows, - Rosy shrugged, - Don’t you? - She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Duncan, he thought for a moment.  
\- Yeah, I think I do, - The Quagmire boy answered. Klaus gave him a nervous look, it was pouring outside and he didn’t quite want to get wet. Duncan then suddenly grabbed his arm, dragged him out of the car and started to run while Rosy was driving away on crazy speed. Klaus didn’t even say anything, he just followed the other boy. Even though it was hard for Duncan to run with a cane it wasn’t really fast and Klaus was kinda worried about his friend, Duncan squinted his eyes a couple of times, until they were behind some building where they just started to walk in the rain.

Well yes, of course they got lost because Duncan didn’t actually know the way and he just lead Klaus around the block with the words “Oh this turn! Or that one?”. But the Baudelaire didn’t quite enjoy the experience. When they got to the house Duncan pulled out his spare key and they stumbled into the apartment both soaked and Klaus was grumpy.  
\- Go take a shower, - Duncan said, - I’ll wait, - The other boy just nodded and walked off to the bathroom closing the door behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, i know the bald man died (I get to give him a name:)) in the books but in the TV series he didn’t so I thought it would be fun to put him and the henchperson of indeterminate gender (who also died in the hospital fire) in here because it’s a logical explanation. And fun fact: In this chapter, I actually described an apartment that I used to live in when I was a kid, thought I didn’t live in Penza, I lived in Moscow


	4. Homosexual isn’t a personality trait!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes: so my gays and girls, i’m finishing school this week ! I’ll be free from getting up early and doing work the whole summer so i’ll have plenty of time to write! Feel free to give me prompts for drabbles or big works   
> mwa :*  
> And also i just wanted to say that this book is very out of canon, the quagmires die in the books and their fate isn’t clear in the series, and specifically these two henchmen also die but I DONT CARE I LIKE THEM 
> 
> AND ALSO SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING ON THIS IM SUPER EXCITED FOR WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN SO UWU

it was about 10 AM when Klaus woke up. He rolled out of bed feeling terrible. He thought he was a bit sick since yesterday evening, the weather wasn’t quite... pleasing... and he wasn’t used to it.   
But to his surprise he got to see a wonderful scene: Duncan standing at the kitchen counter and making himself some coffee. Shirtless.   
Needless to say, Klaus began to blush immediately. It was rare that he saw someone shirtless and it was weird to see Duncan just walking around like that. He never walked around like that, he had Violet and the girls living with him. So that’s not an option really... He walked up to the counter to make himself some tea, pointedly not looking at Duncan. The other boy immediately noticed that. 

\- Am I.. Making you uncomfortable? - He asked stopping his coffee-making process for a second.   
\- What? N-no, - Klaus answered. Still not looking at Duncan.   
\- You sure? You seem uncomfortable, - Duncan said, staring at his opponent   
\- Yep, - Klaus just shortly answered taking a sip of his tea and sitting down at the table. A minute after Duncan sat next to him.   
\- Klaus? - The older boy asked.   
\- Yes, Duncan? - The younger answered looking up at Duncan.   
\- You know that Ro has files on us? Like with stuff on how we act and with our biography, - the boys said staring at Klaus again. The other just shrugged.   
\- And...? - He looked at Duncan, confused   
\- She has it right here, in this apartment and she’s not here so she wouldn’t know if we just took a loo...   
\- Duncan are you asking me to break the rules? - Klaus cut off the other boy.   
\- Sorta kinda yeah... - the older boy said and put his hand on the table, his chin resting on it.   
\- Do you realize who are you asking? - the younger boy said lifting his eyebrows. Duncan just chuckled.   
\- Yeah I know.. But you don’t have to touch it! I can read it out loud if yo want! - He suggested. Klaus thought for a bit before speaking up.   
\- Ah fuck it! - He gave up and stood up with his cup   
\- Are you becoming a rebel, Klaus? - The other boy said also standing up and Klaus just chuckled.   
\- I have always been a rebel, but you’re just pulling out that side of me, Duncan, - He said walking to Rosys study and he didn’t even notice the other boy blush. 

When they walked into the room, they stood in front of the huge rack with glass doors. He opened one and that’s when it hit him.   
\- It’s in alphabetical order! - He said noticing the little letter “G” carved into the shelf, - What should we look at first, you or me? - He asked the other boy. Duncan walked up to one of the other doors that had a little “K” carved to one of the shelves.   
\- I already found you. So i guess it’s you, - he smiled at his friend before pulling out a quite large folder with the name “Klaus Baudelaire” on it. Duncan then proceeded to open it and he found a picture of baby Klaus in it, - Aw! Look at you! Klaus Babylaire!   
\- What? Where? - The other boy asked walking up to Duncan and staring over his shoulder, he laughed a bit, - Well I was a fat baby.   
\- You were a cute baby! - Duncan exclaimed and Klaus blushed. Klaus thought that Duncan was cute... But he doesn’t want to say it out loud...  
\- Thank you, - he smiled.  
\- Let’s skip the bad part about your unfortunate life, we have personality traits! I didn’t know VFD did that, - Duncan said pointing his finger at some list. The younger boy in fact was also very interested in what it had to say, - Okay, we got resourceful, - Klaus nodded, - smart, emotional, brave, ambitious, stubborn, can be arrogant sometimes, - the younger boy frowned at that part, - and uh... Does this count as a personality trait? - Duncan suddenly asked. Klaus looked at him, puzzled.   
\- What doesn’t count? - He simply asked.   
\- It just says “homosexual” like it’s a personality trait, - Duncan explained, he looked a bit nervous because of Klaus’ face, he was standing in pure shock. Oh wow VFD just outed him to the guy he’s in love- has a crush on. No biggie. Not at all. His palms started to sweat he couldn’t look at Duncans face, he was too scared to see disgust or disapproval in his eyes, - Um Klaus? Is this true? - Klaus carefully lifted his gaze up to the boy. Duncan just gave him a sympathetic smile, showing that everything’s okay.   
\- Uh.. Uhm.. Ye-yeah... - The younger boy just answered. He figured a long time ago that he was gay, he had crushes on boys besides Duncan. For example: when they came back there was a boy named Alec that had curly hair and big green eyes and Klaus just had this little crush on him, that lasted about three months... The smallest crush if you ask me. But it wasn’t compared to what Klaus felt for Duncan. You couldn’t compare it in any way possible. And the Baudelaire boy was worried about one thing: will Duncan even want to be friends with him after this. To his surprise the older boy just hugged his friend tightly, smiling.   
\- It’s okay Klaus, it doesn’t matter who you like, i still love you, - He said breaking the hug. Something in the Baudelaire boys’ stomach started to stir when the other said he loved him. It just felt so right.   
\- Thank you, Duncan, - He simply said. After a moment of silence Klaus spoke up again, - You wanna look at your file? - The older boy just nodded putting Klaus’ file back onto the shelves before stepping towards another shelf with the letter “D” on it. He still limped a bit because of his injury but he decided not to go with the cane today.  
\- Here it is, - He said pulling out a smaller folder, - Why is mine smaller? - He asked, kinda disappointed   
\- Maybe because you spent most of your life on a hot air mobile home, - Klaus said.   
\- Yeah probably, - Duncan said opening the folder, - Anyway, blah blah blah fire, blah blah blah orphan, blah blah blah siblings, aha! Here it is! Personality! Okay let’s see, predisposition good journalism, yeah, - Duncan nodded to the point, - brave, clever, witty, good sense of humor, oh wait till i tell Quigley this, - Klaus chuckled at Duncans words, - intelligent, anxious and... Oh, - Duncan pauses for a moment. Klaus furrowed his eyebrows.   
\- What’s wrong? - He said. Duncan was just staring at the paper. He gulped.   
\- Uh.. Homosexual.. - Klaus also stood there in shock, - Even though it isn’t a personality trait, they sure get it right, - Duncan said.   
\- Y-you’re gay t-too? - Klaus asked looking at Duncan, still in shock. And did i forget to mention, Duncan was shirtless the whole time and Klaus tried not to stare... *author smirks*  
\- Uh yeah, pretty much yeah, I never like a girl in my life and fell in love with a boy once and um.. Including the fact that i spent most of it up in the air i didn’t get the chance to actually meet anyone there, - He said and Klaus just nodded.   
\- A-are you okay with telling me who was that boy? - Klaus asked, worry filling him up. It could only be two things: Klaus or not Klaus. He hoped it would be the first one.   
\- Yeah.. Um it was... - Duncan then suddenly got cut off by a knock of the door.   
\- Oh i’ll get it, - Klaus answered. He walked off to the door leaving Duncan standing alone. Klaus opened the door and saw Rosy, the rest of his team, Harold (that was his name, right?) and Grizz.

\- Don’t ask, I forgot my keys, but change of plans! - She exclaimed storming into the apartment. As a soon as Duncan heard her voice he quickly put away the file and pretended he was interested in some book on the other shelves. Rosy walked into the study, - Hey, what are you doing here? - She asked suspiciously, the boy turned his head to her.   
\- Me and Klaus were just looking at the books, I was reading russian words wrong because I thought it was funny, - He said. Rosy just slowly nodded.  
\- Okay it doesn’t matter, we have the porcelain object and we need to run before somebody else knows, - She explained, - we’re relocating again and we’re not relocating in this town, we’re buying tickets to Moscow, get dressed, - She looked at Duncan (wHo wAs *cough* sHiRtlEss *cough*), - and start to pack! Again! - She said and stormed off to her room to take some extra things. Violet then looked at Duncan, then back at Klaus, then back at Duncan.   
\- What were you guys doing? - She asked smirking at them.   
\- We weren’t doing a-anything like that! - Klaus exclaimed. His cheeks turned a red color as well as Duncans.   
\- Like what? - Violet asked tilting her head to the side.   
\- Shut up! - Klaus exclaimed, jokingly.   
\- Okay... - Violet said slowly. Everyone had huge grins but Duncan and Klaus were just standing there a little embarrassed.   
\- You guys are kinda cute, - Grizz said monotonously. Klaus and Duncan blushed even more. They were too embarrassed too look at each other. Well, basically Klaus just discovered that his very good friend is gay and he really likes him. Like... A lot. And now he has a chance! An actual chance! Of course he was worried because Duncan probably thinks of him only as a friend because they knew each other for a very long time since they were kids. But the curiosity of who was that boy that Duncan fell in love with was too strong. He should ask it later. In private. 

Isadora then proceeded to walk up to Duncan and whispered something in his ear that made him even more red. Then she walked up to Quigley and have him a little fist bump. Klaus just looked at the embarrassed Duncan who was standing next to him. He was just boiling he looked at his siblings, he was red like a tomato and Klaus just gave him a little smile and the other boy lowered his fervor a bit and smiled back.   
\- Hey lovebirds, stop gazing into each others’ eyes and get dressed, - Quigley said hushing they boys into the room they stayed in to get dressed in day clothes. Sunny and Beatrice giggled.   
\- Did you think they..? - Isadora asked pointing into the air.   
\- Nah, too scared, give them time, - Quigley answered. 

Klaus decided to use the moment and ask Duncan the question.   
\- Hey Dunc, - He started. The older boy turned his head to him (with his shirt on already).  
\- Yes, Klaus?   
\- You didn’t answer my question.   
\- What question? - Duncan perfectly knew what question.   
\- The one... About the boy, - He said carefully.   
\- Oh uh th-that... - Duncan took in a big breath, - Uh... The boy was.. Um.. I-it was you, - He said it very quietly but enough for Klaus to hear. His heart made a leap and it just wanted to jump out of his throat right onto Duncans hands.   
\- M-me? - He asked quietly.   
\- Kinda.. yeah.   
\- I- I don’t... - He was about to say something else but Violet opened the door.   
\- Get dressed quicker! - She demanded the boys just nodded and continued to get dressed. 

Duncan was afraid. Klaus doesn’t like him. He doesn’t like him and it ruined their friendship and Klaus will be weirded out even though he is in fact gay. Duncan isn’t good enough for a boy like Klaus. He’s to perfect with his good looking glasses and his semi-curly hair and his incredible mind. It doesn’t matter that a really long time ago Duncan wrote eight pages on Klaus’ appearance it’s not like he memorized them (or maybe he did). It’s not like he has been hopelessly in love with the boy since he was 13 and now that he in fact knows he’s gay and is old enough (the dude was 19 years old for gods sake!) to establish any kind of relationship with anybody and he doesn’t like him back. Great job Duncan, you can’t even get the love of your stupid and meaningless life to like you back. Great job...


	5. Unfortunate ENOUGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for this small chapter but i am literally so busy and i didn’t want to keep y’all waiting so here you go ! 
> 
> \- M

Klaus looked at his friend with worry.  
“He was in love with me?” The only thought that went through his head. “And how did I not notice when I was in love with him?” Another question that was at that moment burning in his mind. The only thing Duncan managed to say when they finished with getting dressed was “Let’s talk later.” and then he walked out of the room leaving the puzzled Klaus behind. 

flashback 

\- Klaus! Wait up! - Duncan was yelling to the boy who was far ahead of him. He just spotted him in the school hall and wanted to walk to class with him. Klaus turned around and stopped.   
\- Duncan! - He said when the boy ran up to him, - I haven’t seen you today, how do you do? - He hugged his friend a little.   
\- Thanks I’m good, even though Mr. Remora is making us write a test next week and we can’t miss any detail, me and Violet need to look for a person with notes because we haven’t been paying attention In class, and you? - He said as they started to walk again.   
\- I’m fine, me and Isadora have been making up fun couplets the whole lesson so we haven’t been paying attention too. But we caught the moment when Mrs. Bass was saying something about measuring every single desk in class and when Carmelita said they’re all the same size she almost put her in detention, it was a bit funny, you should have seen her face! - Klaus said and the other boy chuckled.   
\- You and Isadora have been hitting off lately, huh? - Duncan said after a moment of silence.   
\- Yeah, she’s great, - The other boy said looking down. He was too busy thinking “I hope he doesn’t think I like her” to notice the jealous look in Duncans eyes, - And you and Violet too? - The Baudelaire boys said a little unsure and lifted up his gaze at Duncan.  
\- Uh yeah.. Yeah, yep, me and Violet hit it off too, - And Klaus was still too cough up to realize that Duncans words were a complete lie. Yes, they weren’t paying attention in class because they were too busy doing their own stuff. Violet was scribbling something in her notebook and talking to some girl who sat next to her and Duncan was just staring into space not caring what the teacher is talking about. Him and Violet don’t talk that much, but if Klaus has such a good relationship with Isadora and he didn’t want to be left behind.   
\- Oh this is my stop! - Klaus said and the boys stopped in front of a door.   
\- Ok-ey, - the older boy scratched his neck, - Bye Klaus!   
\- Bye! 

Klaus walked into the classroom and saw Carmelita sitting on his desk. She wasn’t sitting at his desk, she was sitting on it. When her their eyes locked she stood up and Klaus carefully approached her. Carmelita was standing in front of his desk her hands on her sides as she clutched a little piece of paper. The Baudelaire boy walked up to her and then she just gave him the note, mumbled something along the lines of “Don’t open it yet” and sat down at her desk. Klaus kept dashing glances at her the whole lesson but she didn’t look. He was worried a bit, what could be in that letter? The Baudelaire boy couldn’t concentrate on the lesson normally because of that. When lunch time occurred instead of going to the lunchroom the Baudelaire boy hurried into the stalls he walked into one of the cabins closing the door behind him. When he opened the note there wasn’t one. There were two notes one that wrote “I found this lying on the floor next to your boyfriends locker” and a drawing of Klaus and in the corner of the paper with the drawing there was a small D.Q for Duncan Quagmire. Duncan drew him! Klaus stood in shock, he didn’t really know what to do. The drawing was very good but he didn’t know if he should tell about this to Duncan or should he just ignore it. Klaus decided to put the drawing into his notebook and not talk about it. 

end of flashback 

Klaus still had that drawing. He still had it in his journal, it was old and crumbled and it even had some sort of stains on it, bite marks from little Sunny and all sorts of little rips. Some parts of the ink smudged and it made the drawing harder to look at. But it was still a drawing of Klaus with a book in his hands and a small D.Q in the corner. It still meant the world to him. That drawing traveled with him from Prufrock Prep to The Village of Fowl Devotees, a Hospital, a Carnival, the mountains, a submarine back to Briny beach, a hotel that burnt down afterwards an Island and now to Russia. The drawing went through a lot and it’s still with him. It’s his lucky charm. He wouldn’t know what to do if he would loose it, it has been with him for such a long time he just can’t let go. 

Even in the burnt VFD Headquarters he and Quigley secretly discussed Duncans drawing skills and Klaus was about to show him the drawing but Violet came in. The drawing was one of the biggest secrets he held from her. He wanted it to be something secret and something his. 

And now, as they were squished up in Rosys car and his and Duncan thighs were squeezed together with Beatrice on his lap he couldn’t help but have an idea. What if he would talk to Duncan and show him the drawing. What if he would confess his feelings like that? “That’s actually not the worst idea!” He thought fo himself. And when all of them were settled and on a train to Moscow and were laying on the uncomfortable train beds at night, Klaus carefully sneaked to Duncans bed like they were still kids and poked him into his shoulder. To his luck, the Quagmire boy wasn’t asleep and Klaus just took his hand and dragged him into the toilet. Now a 20 year old and a 19 year old who never even had a boyfriend were standing in a train toilet at night. 

\- Duncan, I need to show you something, - Klaus spoke up reaching for his journal that was in his pocket. He took it out and opened it. There was the drawing. Duncan saw only a really old piece of paper with ink on it, he couldn’t make out what it was even after Klaus handed it to him. He was staring at it and he couldn’t understand what it was. Yes, it was a drawing of Klaus but- Then he saw it. He saw the D.Q in the corner and tears almost started to rush from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away.   
\- You... You had it, - He said smiling at the Baudelaire boy, - I remembered looking for it for ages! Where did you find it? - He whisper yelled.   
\- It might be weird, but Carmelita Spats sorta gave it to me, - Klaus shrugged. Duncans eyes widened even more.   
\- Carmelita Spats? The girl with red hair, freckles and a pink skirt? - He asked.   
\- Yep, that one, - The younger boy answered. The older just scratched his head.   
\- But why did you keep it?   
\- Because... - Klaus paused, looking for the right words, - Because I was in love with you, - He finally said and Duncan looked at him with disbelief.   
\- What? I thought... I thought you liked my sister! - Klaus just shook his head.   
\- No I didn’t! I am gay as I can be and you’re even not the only one I liked, - The Baudelaire boy said, instantly regretting the last part.   
\- Oh is that so? - Duncan said smirking at him and crossing his arms on his chest, - Who was that fool?   
\- Y-you don’t know him! - Klaus answered and Duncan just laughed at him.  
\- Chill, pretty boy, I don’t care as long as you don’t come running to that guy from me, - He said pulling Klaus into a hug. And before Klaus could ask anything, Duncan kissed him. The kiss was a little weird because Klaus took aback a little but then he adapted and melted into the kiss. It was only for a couple of seconds before Duncan pulled away. He looked at the Baudelaire and when he said “Kiss again” He breathed out of relief and they spent a little more time in the toilet than they should and went back to the uncomfortable train beds, but this time they fell asleep easily.


	6. Old acquaintances in new situations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the layout of this work cause i had to! Sorry if it’s weird but anyway   
> xx  
> M<3

The next morning Klaus woke up by Duncan who was pushing him the shoulder. 

“Klaus! Wake up! You have ten minutes to get dressed before we leave the train!” He exclaimed at him. The Baudelaire boy stood up quickly and immediately regretted his decision, he hit his head on the bed above really hard and felt his eyes going black. He fainted. 

“Seriously?!” Duncan exclaimed, “Hey! I need a hand here! Klaus fainted!” Harold rushed over and grabbed Klaus bridal-style. The boy was very tall and thin, so he wasn’t that heavy to carry for a huge man like Harold. Klaus was still in his pyjamas and he hadn’t put on his glasses yet, so Violet grabbed them and put them in her pocket.

“Okay,” Rosy began, “Harold, please carry Klaus, Violet take Sunny and Isadora take Beatrice, Quigley take Harolds luggage and Duncan take Klaus’, Grizz you carry yours and the girls’ luggage and I’ll lead the way. Come on! Let’s get going. 

The train had already stopped and they all hurried off, Rosy said thanks in Russian to the man who was standing at the exit. 

“Now we split, Grizz go with Violet, Sunny and Quigley. Harold, go with Duncan and Klaus in your arms and i’ll go with Isadora and Beatrice. Go.” And they all went in different directions. 

They passed the needed security and were hurrying to the exit. 

“We are going in different cabs,” Harold explained to Duncan, “We can’t allow people see you triplets together, it’s not like Klaus isn’t drawing enough attention,” He said. 

“Why can’t we be seen together?” Duncan asked. He wasn’t quite sure why.

“Nothing special,” He sighed “We’re being followed,” And on that note he turned in an absolutely different direction and walked outside to catch a taxi, Duncan following closely behind. When they got into a car and Harold told the destination to the driver they took off. Klaus’ head on Duncans lap and his legs on the other seat. Harold was sitting in the passenger seat silently. 

Then suddenly, Klaus flattered his eyes open. 

“Where am I?” He asked, he was about to sit up when Duncan pushed him back down slightly.

“No no, lay down, you fainted in the train before we could get up, that’s why you’re still in your pajamas, but we’re in a taxi and we’re driving to a safe destination,”  
He explained, playing with Klaus’ hair.

“Where are my glasses?” He then asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“Oh i have them,” Duncan said, he put his hand into his poker but there were no glasses. “Uh,” He frowned, Klaus started to panic “They must be in the other pocket,” He reassures the boy. And when he couldn’t find the glasses in the other pocket, the Baudelaire boy groaned and closed his face with his hands. 

“Maybe someone else has them?” Duncan suggested. 

Harold turned his head at them and snorted “Now we have two dysfunctional people, a blind boy and a boy with the broken leg.” 

“It’s not like the Author didn’t forget about my injury,” Duncan scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

This story has hit its breaking point in narration and I solemnly swear that I, in fact, did not forget about Duncans injury, and it, in fact, will pop up quite soon in a not so unfortunate experience.   
And i’m sorry to inform you, but Klaus’ loss of his glasses will soon bring misfortune as well. 

“She did not!” Klaus protester peeking from behind his palms. 

They drove along for a while on a weirdly bumpy road, Klaus and Duncan were snickering in the backseat, but if they weren’t so busy with each other, they could see Harold tensed up, and not even a bit. He was really nervous and it was visible. 

“Те чо, голубые шо ли?*” The taxi driver asked tilting his head to the boys in the backseat. Harold wasn’t surprised by his rude tone, a lot of taxi drivers talk like that. The man just shrugged and the driver nodded. 

When they arrived at their destination, it wasn’t quite what any of them expected. Harold payed the taxi driver and they stepped out of the car, Klaus and Duncan holding hands. They carefully approached the old building, it was a very dark place to be in. 

“Ro was supposed to meet us here,” Harold said, anxiety was leaking through his voice. 

“Maybe she didn’t get here yet,” Duncan suggested. 

“Yeah. Maybe,” Pause. “Let’s go inside then.” 

When they went inside Klaus let go of Duncans hand because there was a little dim light and he could make out what things were. 

And now, i don’t know if you want to read this next part, i recommend reading it, of course, mainly because i wrote it, but the problem here is that you may experience an unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach, perhaps worry, or maybe frustration. So if you don’t want to experience such emotions as worry or frustration, suck it up and read what’s next. 

And before they knew it, the light switched off. Instincts wanted Klaus to grab Duncan hand but he couldn’t, he felt a cloth against his mouth and two strong hands holding his. And that’s when Klaus passed out. Again

Duncan put his whole weight on the cane to do the next step but he froze standing in the same position, but then he felt his cane being knocked off and fell onto the floor, He felt a small hand place a cloth onto his mouth and the other small hand was holding his hands behind his back tightly. Duncan breathed in, in panic and immediately regretted his decision because he realized that he’s going t...

Going to faint. 

In Harolds case he was hit in the head with something very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very heavy and immediately fell onto the floor, passing out. 

——————————————————————————

Klaus flattered his eyes open, a very bright light was shining into his face, he couldn’t make out what was happening, but he felt something soft rub against the back of his neck. 

Usually when anything is soft, you want to touch it, but this wasn’t the case. Klaus felt like something is crawling the back of his neck and when he wanted to lift up his hand and brush it away, he realized that he was tied to a chair and he simply couldn’t lift it. His hands were to the side of the chair, his palms handing loose. His legs were tied up to the chair legs. He sighed “Jesus Fuck” he mumbled to himself. The unpleasant feeling in his neck hasn’t gone away. 

“Klaus?” He then heard someone whisper behind him. And the Baudelaire boy isn’t that delusional to not know who that whisper belonged to. 

“Duncan?” He replied. 

“Oh my god you’re okay! Thank god!” He whisper yelled, “Where are we?”

“I have no idea,” Klaus replied, but then they heard someone coming. Duncan quickly grabbed Klaus’ hand, they were tied beside each other, and squeezed it a little. 

The echoing of the steps became closer and closer until they saw a figure walk in. The person turned off the bright lamps that were blinding the boys and turned on the ceiling light instead. It was a short woman with straight ginger hair and freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks. She was wearing a black suit and heels, but there was a lovely pink brooch that caught the eyes. The lovely pink brooch that made Klaus realize who she was. 

Carmelita Spats. 

She was staring at him with her big blue eyes. It seemed that she didn’t expect what she saw, but her eyes were empty, not even the tiniest hint of mercy. But when she glanced at the boys’ intertwined fingers, her glare softened. She lifted her eyebrows a little bit up and made a small smile but immediately erased it from her face, closing the door of the room. 

“Carmelita Spats?” Klaus asked cautiously. Duncan gasped from behind him. 

“Carmelita Spats?” The Quagmire boy asked more loudly, “What the hell are you-“ 

“Shush!” Carmelita demanded, but when she saw the speck of fear in Klaus’ eyes she softened “Be- quiet... please,” She grimaced, “I am not here to help you, i’m here to ask you questions and you will answer,” She explained. 

“You’ve changed,” Klaus then said but when he saw Carmelitas look on her face he began to s-s-stutter, “I m-mean,” He tilted his head to the side for a second and then brought it back up, “I-in a good way, you have straight hair now, and y-you don’t wear p-pink anymore,” Carmelita furrowed her eyebrows and put a hand on her hip. 

“Who says i don’t wear pink anymore? I’m doing my job, of course i can’t walk around in attention seeking clothes, how isn’t that obvious?” She scoffed. 

“Where are the others?” Duncan got into the conversation before anyone could say something else. 

Carmelita clenched her jaw, “I. Don’t. Know.” She said through gritted teeth. “Why does everyone keep asking me this question? How am i supposed to know? I did track all of you but you ran away like ants when you step on their anthill, and   
under fake names! Like what the hell am i supposed to do?” She threw her hands into the air. 

“You tracked us?” Klaus asked looking at her in disbelief. 

“What? Is it so hard to believe in? I sent the codes, i bought the tickets, i did all the work while the rest just sat on their asses and took the credit for it afterwards,” She scoffed again crossing her arms on her chest. 

“Maybe you could let us out and join us? We never take credit for someone work,” Klaus suggested. He just hoped this would be over even with Carmelita working beside them. He felt Duncan squeeze his arm hard enough, to understand that he said something stupid 

“I would rather be dead than work with you,” She sang out twirling once, but then  
she snapped standing still with her arms crossed oh her chest and looked Klaus dead in the eye “I am the one who should be asking questions.” She demanded, the Baudelaire boy just nodded. 

“And since i’m asking question,” Carmelita loosened up “You finally got your shit together and now you’re together? After all of there years? Jeez, you sure now how to settle down, people” She said. 

“Uh-“ Klaus began, “W-we aren’t uh-“ Carmelita just shushed him by waving her hand at him. 

“Shut up,” She demanded. After a moment of silence with her thinking, she finally began to speak again, “You know someone actually owes me ten dollars because i told them you two will end up together, well i guess i was right but that was, what? Seven years ago? Esh, that’s a long time.” 

“You bet on us?” Duncan asked. 

“Well yeah, what was i supposed to do? It was too boring at that school and i have been working since i have been orphaned on purpose by that madman, what was his name? Pilaf? Ah doesn’t matter,” She explained, after a solid minute of Carmelita telling stories form her job now, on the fire starting side, the room filled with silence. 

“You know what,” Carmelita broke the heavy stillness of the room, “I don’t feel like torturing you, the bald guy isn’t going, but i’m letting you out,” And on that note she took out a knife and began to slice up the ropes that held Duncan and Klaus to chairs. 

*translation: Are those gay, or what?  
But in a more rude way, i used russian slang, Голубые (golubie plural, goluboi singular) means light blue, and in Russian slang it means gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually enjoyed writing this chapter so much idek why...
> 
> Anyways i love Carmelita and i hope you liked this, sorry for not posting for a while! I’ve been busy with work and other stuff
> 
> all love   
> M<3


End file.
